NaNoWriMo

I'm conflicted. NaNoWriMo starts in a couple weeks. (If you don't know what it is, click here.) And a part of me really wants to do it, and a part of me just says, "What's the point?"

I've done this two previous years. My first was 2005, right at the end of my first semester of my last year of college. And I still managed to pull it off. My second was 2006, right in the middle of wedding planning. And I still managed to pull it off. I didn't do it '07 or '08, mostly just because I didn't think about it. But now I am thinking about it, and it's just over two weeks away, and I just can't seem to get excited about it.

See, the thing is, I really do love writing. I always have. When I was young, I wanted to be an author, and I can remember writing stories (though I can't remember what any of them were about, and would probably be horrified to read any of them). I started keeping a journal when I entered high school, then switched to online blogging which I've been doing on and off since college. And, in addition to the two "novels" that I wrote for NaNo '05 and '06, I've worked on a plethora of other things but could never seem to finish any of them. So, I guess the thing I've discovered is that, though I enjoy writing, and keeping a blog is a great way to keep active with it, fiction writing may not really be for me.

It's not that I can't come up with ideas. I've got lots of them. They just never really seem to go anywhere. And I've joined online writing groups and read blogs and taken workshops to help me refine the skills involved, but . . . I don't know. I still wind up frustrating myself, and I guess it just seems like I shouldn't be spending so much time and effort on this one thing, when it really won't make a difference in the long run. It's not like I'm looking to become a published writer. It's just a hobby.

The problem is, really, that I have too many interests. And I seem to go through phases. Right now, I'm in my reading phase. I am reading constantly, and the funny thing is that it all started as a way to help with my writing. But once I (re-) discovered how much I love to read, I didn't leave myself any time to write.

Earlier this year I went through a music phase, where I was basically continuing studying where I left off in college, checking out books and CD's from the library, looking up scores online, even polishing up a composition that I started about five years ago. And, since I hope to eventually go back to grad school and study musicology, this is obviously a very worthwhile pursuit. Writing, as much as I enjoy it, seems less worthwhile.

There just aren't enough hours in the day.