We heard the heartbeat for the first time today. I'm not entirely sure what I was supposed to feel. I wasn't really overwhelmed with an "OMG that's my baby in there!" kind of reaction. There was relief, obviously, that I haven't been living a lie the past several weeks; it was nice to have confirmation beyond a urine test. (Yeah, the nausea was a pretty big clue too, but you never know. Hormones don't necessarily equal healthy baby.)
Other than that, well... I was actually more freaked out than anything else. There's something growing in me!
I can tell you right now that I'm not going to be a "typical" first-time mother, at least as far as the pregnancy goes. And who knows, maybe "typical" isn't so typical, and there are more pregnant women out there like me, we just don't let on to the rest of the world that we're not overwhelmed with joy at every little milestone. I'm actually pretty worried about what it's going to feel like once the baby gets bigger and starts moving. I'm afraid I'm going to be freaked out (or worse, grossed out) by it.
Or who knows, maybe I'll surprise myself and get more attached to our little Snickerdoodle as time goes on.
It's been interesting to go back and read some of my rambling writings from last year. A lot of it centers around being miserable, and not feeling the way I'm "supposed to." I can at least say that I was never grossed out. It was actually quite comforting to feel him moving around in there, even if it did get uncomfortable toward the end (when I felt like I was stretched so tight that my belly might just burst open Alien-style). Anyway. I'm quite glad that part of it is over. I enjoy the little man much more now that he's on the outside.
I know this announcement deserves a bit more fanfare, for those who may only read the blog and don't follow us on social media, but our son was born a week ago. This first week has been filled with so many new things for both of us -- well, all of us, I suppose... And while there are a hundred blog posts worth of thoughts in my head, I don't have the time or energy to put words to any of them. Instead, this is something I wrote the Friday before he was born, not even knowing if I would share it, but needing to get it out.
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(Friday, April 3, 2015)
I can't remember when I first heard the myth that women are actually pregnant for 10 months, but it was from someone who was pregnant at the time, and I certainly wasn't going to argue with a pregnant woman. I've since heard the same argument multiple places, including blog posts from actual pregnancy websites.
Sorry, but no. Just because 4 x 10 = 40 doesn't mean that pregnancy lasts 10 months.
With one exception, a month isn't exactly four weeks. Those extra days add up, and three months together are almost exactly 13 weeks, depending on which months they are. If it's two 30-day months and one 31-, it is 13 weeks exactly. If it's two 31-day months and one 30-, it's a day longer. And even February-March-April, the shortest possible three-month span, is closer to 13 weeks than 12... 12 weeks and 5 days (6 in a leap year), to be precise.
So, 13 x 3... those 9 months are going to be almost exactly 39 weeks. (To look at it another way, 52 weeks in a year minus the 13 weeks of those other three months equals 39.) The magic number 40 is one week longer... except that the way the weeks are counted, you don't actually conceive until sometime during the 2nd or 3rd week. So, if you give birth on your due date, you've actually been carrying that baby for just under 9 months. It may seem like an eternity, but the math doesn't lie.
The term makes a little more sense (even though I've just proven it's not totally accurate) in my current situation: I'm now past my due date, which means that, according to some, I've started the tenth month. "Started" being the key word. I'm not ten months pregnant. I will never be ten months pregnant. But if we're going to fudge the numbers a bit and say that 40 weeks = 9 months, I'm now one day into that fabled tenth month.
I never thought I'd get to this point. I was convinced for several reasons (most of which aren't the slightest bit scientific, I'll admit) that the baby was going to come early. I didn't think I'd make it to April at all.
But even in that part of my mind that conceded the possibility that I'd get to my due date or beyond, I never thought I'd be making this decision -- the first of many I'll have to make on behalf of my child -- this early. Oh, sure, I've been making little decisions every day that affect us both... but this one feels very different.
How long do we wait for labor to happen on its own?
In my head, when I did let myself think about the pregnancy lasting that long, I figured it would be at least a week before we considered inducing.
In reality... three days.
Oh, we've been discussing it for longer. This was by no means a snap decision we made on the due date. Our OB first brought it up at my 39-week appointment, when he was concerned about my lack of progress from the week before. And at that point, the idea really freaked me out. It felt way too early to even be talking about it.
(Which is, of course, ridiculous. It's never too early to start discussing options, to be prepared. But it caught me completely off-guard.)
Just so you know where I'm coming from, I've never had a vision of having a completely natural birth. I have a pretty low threshold for pain, and I was expecting to use some sort of drugs to get through it. Breathing and focus points and massage may work great for some women... and I figured I'd start out using some of those methods, but at some point they'd stop being enough, and I was fine with that.
But even though I wasn't opposed to medical intervention, the idea of things starting on their own was apparently more important to me than I'd realized. I've been lucky this whole pregnancy. (I've been miserable, but lucky.) The baby's health was never at risk. My own health was never at risk. There was never any reason we would need to balance the two and get the baby out at that intersection of risk where it wasn't too dangerous for either of us.
So I never pictured anything, or prepared myself for anything, other than going into labor naturally. I read all about that, because it terrified me... not the idea of the pain (at first, anyway), or the embarrassment of my water breaking at an inopportune time and place. No, for me it was the thought of not knowing what was going on, of not recognizing what it was when it came, that freaked me out the most. Especially the closer we got, and the more I started feeling things that could be signs that labor was near... or could be nothing at all. Hmm, my back hurts more than usual today, could that be back labor? What about that cramping that feels like PMS? And I knew I'd been having Braxton Hicks contractions for a while, but most of the time I couldn't differentiate between a contraction and the baby stretching out and making everything tight. It all felt so vague.
And nothing I read reassured me. The most common response was simply, "You'll know when it's the real thing." But then I'd find another story from someone who hadn't known, because it came on so gradually or was so similar to what had come before. Even if they're the minority, they still poke a big hole in the "you'll just know" argument.
(Of course, the upside of that would be a nice chunk of my labor going by with so little discomfort I didn't even realize it was happening. But it's still scary to not know what's going on with your own body.)
Even with all my uncertainty, though, I never imagined it happening any other way. So suddenly looking at induction as a real possibility... I sort of froze. Luckily, we had time to think about it and weigh our options... all the while hoping, of course, that nature would make the decision so we wouldn't have to. But when we got to our 40-week appointment and still nothing had changed... it was up to us. Wait and see, or take action?
We decided to take action, setting up my induction for just three days after my due date. But it wasn't easy.
I could weigh pros and cons forever, but what it ultimately came down to was my doctor's advice vs my own gut feeling. How committed was I to letting nature take its course (assuming that it would, before an elective induction became not-so-elective)? But also -- and perhaps the bigger issue -- did I trust that my doctor's recommendation to induce now was in my best interest? And in the end, that answer is yes.
One thing that makes me feel better about the situation is that, when I had my ultrasound, they estimated I was actually five days ahead of where we thought. They told us they won't actually change a due date unless there's a discrepancy of a week or more, but if we go by that estimate, I'd actually be over a week overdue by the time we induced... a time frame that felt more reasonable.
So... it may not be what I imagined, and I know other women would choose to do things differently. This isn't about defending or justifying my choice to anyone. It's about how I got here. It's about coming to terms with a decision I didn't think I'd have to make. It's about the realization that my pregnancy (which, despite the assurance of the calendar, felt like it would never end) is finally ending.
And maybe, somewhere in my reasoning, this is just a last-ditch effort to feel like I have control over something before I lose control over everything. I can't be 100% sure this is the right decision. I can't be 100% sure about any decision. But what I can be 100% sure of is that I'm doing the best I can with what I have.
Seems as good a way as any to start my journey as a parent.
Well, it feels like it's taken forever to get here, but we're in the final weeks of these awkward living arrangements. 17 days until my due date. Snickerdoodle can leave these cramped quarters behind, and I can get my body back. Even if Snickerdoodle comes late, the end is in sight. And that makes me very, very happy.
Of course, I've been so focused on getting to the end of the pregnancy that the idea of bringing home a baby is still rather abstract. I mean, we've been preparing for this. We know, in our heads, that it's going to happen. But at least for me, it still doesn't feel real... and probably won't until we're getting ready to leave the hospital.
You might think it would feel real once the baby's born... and who knows, maybe it will, I have no way of knowing. But I just have this feeling that as long as we're in the hospital, we're removed enough from our daily lives that it's still going to be a bit like a dream. (Not to mention the exhaustion of just having gone through labor. I doubt anything's going to feel real at that point.).
We're less than three months now from my due date (even though my third trimester doesn't officially start till next week? *shrugs*) and... well, I'm pretty miserable, to be perfectly honest. Of course that's not what I say when people ask how I'm doing. I say I'm doing fine. Because I sort of am. I mean, for all I know, this is a super-easy pregnancy (minus that pesky morning sickness that still hasn't completely gone away). At the worst, it's probably average. But I've never done it before. And I feel big. And awkward. And like my insides are all jumbled up. I'm incredibly uncomfortable. I haven't had a really good night's sleep in at least a month, and I'm not likely to have one for... I don't know, a year?
So that's how I really am. But I'll continue to say "fine" when people ask. It's just easier.
Anyway, when I woke up on Thursday morning, it just sort of hit me that this is it. Nothing changed from one day to the next, except that now it was 2015... and that just made this whole thing feel more real.
So, in a last-ditch effort to hold onto my identity (and not that of this pregnant lady who's completely taken over my life), here's a little survey reflecting over the last year. Let's see how much of this can NOT focus on the baby.
What did you do in 2014 that you’ve never done before? Stood up in a wedding (that wasn't mine).
Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? I'm not much of a resolution person. My main goal for 2015 is survive... hopefully with my sanity somewhat intact.
Did anyone close to you give birth? A couple good friends had a baby in March.
Did anyone close to you die? Yes... and quite unexpectedly.
What other countries did you visit? I haven't had a valid passport since I changed my name almost eight years ago.
What would you like to have in 2015 that you lacked in 2014? More discipline.
What was your biggest achievement of the year? Actually applying for a job that would have been perfect for me instead of chickening out, and making it most of the way through the interview process.
What was your biggest failure? Not getting said job. Not applying for more jobs. Letting my depression and anxiety get the best of me. (I know it asks for just one, but they're sort of all related.)
Did you suffer illness or injury? I did spend most of late summer and early fall puking, though I'm not sure that counts as "illness."
Where did most of your money go? Paying off student loans... completely!
What song will always remind you of 2014? Billy Joel's "Lullabye." Thanks to my brother's wedding, his dance with his new two-year-old daughter, and my first real hormone-induced (or at least -enhanced) breakdown... I'll probably never be able to hear this song without bawling again.
What was your favorite TV show? Without a doubt, Parks and Recreation. I can't remember if I started watching it early 2014 or late 2013, but it's a relatively new obsession.
What was the best book you read? Impossible to pick just one. See my book blog for a more complete answer.
What was your greatest musical discovery? Probably not what this question is really asking, but the fact that I can download music from Freegal through my library is pretty great.
What was your favorite film of the year? Either Captain America: The Winter Soldier or Guardians of the Galaxy. What can I say, I'm a sucker for the Marvel Cinematic Universe. X-Men: Days of Future Past was pretty good too.
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? Just went out for dinner, nothing fancy. BWW, maybe? I turned 31... which was somehow way more depressing than turning 30.
What do you think would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Not sure, but it was definitely missing something. I can't remember anything significant happening in the first half of the year. Not sure if that's because nothing did, or if the latter half just overshadowed it.
Well, I'm not sure there's much in there to make me feel better... but I suppose the silver lining is that losing myself in this pregnancy isn't such a big deal, since it's not like I had much going on anyway.
2015, I have a feeling, is going to be a lot more interesting.
I've had Bon Jovi stuck in my head for about a week now, which can only mean one thing...
(Actually, it could mean anything. There's no wrong time for Bon Jovi.)
But THIS time it means that I'm halfway through my pregnancy! Which is crazy. Really, really crazy. There are some days, when I'm feeling especially uncomfortable, that I feel like it's dragging. (Like when you have a cold that just won't go away and after a couple weeks you forget that there was ever a time when you could actually breathe through your nose... like that, only for me, it's forgetting there was ever a time when I didn't feel like a stuffed turkey.) But on the whole, it feels like it's going so fast!
I'm finally starting to show... although it's not super obvious, mostly because I'm already so heavy. I can tell the difference, and Pat can, and my family probably will when we head back for Thanksgiving. But a stranger on the street? I don't think my belly quite says baby, unless you already know it's in there.
And it's definitely in there! A couple months ago when we heard the heartbeat for the first time, that was pretty cool... but we got our ultrasound today, and that was something else. Like... it's really a baby! Not just some hypothetical amorphous blob in there.
Sooo... yeah. That's where we're at. And especially with the holidays coming up, I feel like we'll be in the third trimester before we know it.
And in April 2015, our little family will be growing yet again.
Really, though, our new addition is already here, sort of... and has been making its presence known for the last couple months as it proceeded to torture me from the inside. In the words of Lily Aldrin, this kid better be real freakin' cute.
Later in the day we went out to dinner with my mom and Char’s parents to Red Lobster. My father-in-law’s birthday is today so we were celebrating both. Dinner was fantastic as always and we got a couple of free desserts for our birthdays. After that we went out to Roundheads, a pizza pub/bar to celebrate my birthday with some local friends. All in all a very good day.
What he didn't mention is that was also the day we told our families and most of our close friends that I'm pregnant. So, yeah, a very good day.
And now that we've heard the heartbeat for the first time (!!!) and I'm out of the first trimester (officially 14 weeks on Thursday), we're ready to tell the internet. Even though I'm not on Facebook anymore, I still think of things as being "Facebook official" when you're ready to share news with the whole world instead of just your little corner of it.
How I Met Your Mother has been one of my favorite shows for years. This final season, though... it's been a mixed bag. It's had some great moments, but on the whole it's just not what I expected and hoped for. A lot of long-running sitcoms get criticized for not quitting while they were ahead, but HIMYM has taken that to a new extreme, dragging out one weekend to last an entire season.
One bit of good news is that we're less than two months from the long-awaited series finale. Another is that last week's episode, the 200th, was a great one. That episode, combined with some great moments that stand out from the filler of this wedding weekend that won't end, give me confidence that the end of the series will be everything we're hoping for... even if the road to get there hasn't been. *** Mild Spoilers Ahead *** The best parts of this season have been those featuring Cristin Milioti as the mother. I absolutely LOVED her introduction at the end of last season. It made me so excited for this final run, especially as I heard the creators discussing how we were going to get to know her this season. We already want Ted to meet her... but we have to want her to meet Ted too. Unfortunately, we haven't gotten as much of that as I was expecting. I've liked the glimpses that we have seen of her, either over this weekend or in flashback. (The flash-forwards to her and Ted are cute, I guess, but I'm just not as interested in THEM as I am in HER.) I like seeing how she meets each member of the group, and "Bass Player Wanted," the last episode before the holiday break, was probably my favorite of the season. Until now. Last week's episode was perfect. It's absolutely the best episode this season, and will probably go down as one of my favorites of the whole series. There are so many callbacks to little things we've learned about the mother up until now, but it's all given context. I feel like we finally got to know her and where she's coming from. Even if we still don't know her name.
Fantasy Football is finally over. Yes, we did play Week 17. Yes, I was paying attention and set up my roster ahead of time. No, I didn't post about it. We were out of town and computer time was rare. Pretty sure the only change I made from the previous week was taking out Calvin Johnson and putting in a backup receiver. Despite Week 17 being my lowest scoring week ever, I managed to end the season in 3rd place. Go me! I'm pretty sure I won't be doing fantasy football again. It was fun for about a month. After that it just became something I had to remember to do. I do sort of appreciate getting a broader look at the other teams and players in the league, but I don't need fantasy football to do that. It was fun to do once, but next year I'll go back to just being a spectator.
It's been a long time since I've actually gotten anything worthwhile out of Facebook. Well, that's not entirely true, but it's been a long time since the positives have outweighed the negatives. I joined as a way to stay connected to friends and family... but now it's all just noise. So, I'm done. I posted the above status two days ago. I deleted my account this morning. I would have done this months ago if it weren't for a couple ongoing group things. And, of course, there's the nagging feeling that I'm going to miss out in the future simply by not being so easily available. But I just don't care anymore. It's not enough of a reason to stick around. Even if I change my mind in another few months - who knows, stranger things have happened - I have a feeling I'll appreciate starting from a clean slate.
Friday Morning - QB - Cam Newton, Kirk Cousins RB - Matt Forte, Eddie Lacy WR - Calvin Johnson, Pierre Garcon, Riley Cooper TE - Julius Thomas K - David Akers D/ST - 49ers D - NaVorro Bowman, Nick Roach I picked up Kirk Cousins to start in place of Joe Flacco, partly because Flacco has a minor injury, but mostly because Cousins had a great game last week and is going up against the worst passing defense this week. It might be a risk, but at this point it's one I'm willing to take.
Tuesday Morning - BEAR DOWN! A great ending to a lackluster fantasy week. Joe Flacco's incredible fourth quarter saved my week from being completely abysmal, but I was kind of killed by the fact that my kicker (Detroit's, of course) didn't get a single point in that crazy blizzard, and all of my wide receivers (two of which were also in that game) had pretty sad games. The silver lining is that no one on my bench had a great game either; my best possible score this week would have been just seven points above what I got. I have two players in Thursday night's game, both of whom I'll probably start. (It figures that Julius Thomas finally has a game before my backup Fleener's... now that he's healthy again.) I'll take a look at the rest of my roster later this week. Thursday Afternoon - QB - Cam Newton, Joe Flacco RB - Matt Forte, Knowshon Moreno WR - Calvin Johnson, Pierre Garcon, Riley Cooper TE - Julius Thomas K - David Akers D/ST - 49ers D - NaVorro Bowman, Nick Roach Friday Morning - Wow, Thomas and Moreno both had pretty disappointing nights. Seems to be my running theme lately...
Monday Morning - I'm back in third, and the two people ahead of me aren't even done yet... On the plus side, I don't have anyone in the Thursday game next week! Friday Morning - QB - Cam Newton, Joe Flacco RB - Matt Forte, Knowshon Moreno WR - Calvin Johnson, Pierre Garcon, Riley Cooper TE - Julius Thomas* K - David Akers D/ST - Ravens D - NaVorro Bowman, Nick Roach *Thomas once again has a late kickoff while Fleener has an early one, so I may need to make that call before I want to. But it sounds promising that he'll be back this week. (Can you tell I'm losing my enthusiasm for this? I don't think I'll be doing fantasy again next year...)
Monday Morning - This was a much better week, and it's not even over yet! I'm back in 1st place, I still have two more players to go tonight, and everyone within 100 points is done for the week, so I get to pad that lead a bit heading into Week 13. Still, I'm not totally without disappointment, since my highest scoring quarterback and highest scoring running back were both sitting on my bench. Tuesday Morning - Well, I didn't get much padding last night... only 4.8 points from my wide receiver and a respectable if not impressive 7 points from my defensive guy. But at a total of 170.22 I had the most points in the league last week... which is actually pretty sad. Guess it wasn't a great week for anyone. This is a weird week; I have players in all three of Thursday's games, including at least one player in every position except for tight end. So I have to make the majority my decisions early this week, and then wait three days before finding out if I made the right ones. Wednesday Evening - QB - Cam Newton, Eli Manning RB - Eddie Lacy, Reggie Bush WR - Calvin Johnson, Pierre Garcon, Riley Cooper TE - Julius Thomas K - David Akers D/ST - 49ers D - NaVorro Bowman, Nick Roach Blargh... I hate Thursday games.
For those of us living in the U.S., Thanksgiving is this week. A time to get together with family... which may or may not be a good thing. Last week, I was part of a Twitter conversation that left me completely flabbergasted: @otherperson: I swear. Thanksgiving is the worst holiday. We both have family in town. Which means we have to fight every fricking year about where we're going and when and it's AWFUL. @me: My parents and my MIL live two blocks from each other, so we get that any time we visit for the weekend. For holidays we just alternate and too bad for whoever doesn't like it. @otherperson: Well, both sides of the family would stop talking to us completely if we did that. Umm... what? I didn't continue the conversation, because I honestly didn't know how to respond to that, at least not without completely ripping on this person's family. But my knee-jerk response is simply, "Their loss." I get that it's disappointing not to get to see people on holidays because they're spending the time with the "other family," but really?! Where did this idea come from that family is such a sacred bond that you can be so disrespectful and it doesn't matter because the other person will always forgive you? This whole "nothing is more important than family" thing is actually kind of crap. There are lots of things that are more important than simply BEING a family. For one, how about ACTING like a family? Like you actually care about each other... that includes dialing down the guilt and manipulation. Personally, I like the way we do it. Thanksgiving with one side, Christmas with the other. And every year we switch. On Pat's side, all family get-togethers almost always involve the same people, but with my side, it gets even more complicated because we might be with my mom's side or my dad's side. Which means that, the people we don't see one year, we won't necessarily see them the next year. And when you factor in the fact that others might also be dividing their holiday time... there's really never a guarantee. (The "no guarantee" thing is true to an extent with Pat's family too, but it's pretty uncommon to go two years without seeing someone... whereas that's the norm for a lot of my side.) So, trust me, I can see the benefits of trying to fit everyone in... but personally I think it's too much of a headache. Especially if those who are insisting on it won't compromise. So, family is important... but the other side of the family doesn't deserve the same quality time? If seeing your family is really that important, make time to see them throughout the year. And if you do see them throughout the year, then why make such a fuss over one day? I know there's something to be said for tradition, but when people come together and create a new family, you can't expect everything to always stay the same. If our parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins can't respect the decisions we make for our new family, then that's their problem. And if they'd take it so personally to the point where they'd actually stop talking to us because of it... then why would I want make more time and effort to see them? Just because they're family? Family is NOT a get-out-of-shitty-behavior free card. And I know I shouldn't be judging this other person's situation, because I don't know all the people and all the factors involved, and it has nothing to do with me. But I feel like I see so much of this kind of thing. And I just don't get it. Maybe it's because I've never been involved in family drama. Maybe someday I'll end up in a situation where an outsider would say, "It's not worth it, why do you put up with that?" and I'll respond, "Well, they're family." But I hope not. I hope I go through my whole life never "getting it." The price of understanding is too high.
Thursday Afternoon - Last week was a little more reasonable, despite the fact that Eli Manning had his best game in weeks the minute I bench him (of course). A couple other disappointments, but at least I was in the top half of scores in my league, and I'm sitting solidly in 3rd place. Starters for the coming week: QB - Cam Newton, Eli Manning RB - Matt Forte, Eddie Lacy WR - Calvin Johnson, Pierre Garcon, Rueben Randle TE - Coby Fleener K - David Akers D/ST - Ravens D - NaVorro Bowman, Nick Roach I'm following the collective NFL suggestions, which for the most part match up with Yahoo!'s (is that the correct way to punctuate that?) projected points. The only time I went out on my own was for Coby Fleener. Once again, he kicks off before Julius Thomas this week, and Thomas didn't practice yesterday and was limited today. I'd probably be hesitant to start him even if he does play, plus Fleener has a great matchup this week. I'll keep an eye on Thomas's status, but probably won't be changing anything.
Monday Night - I had a pretty bad week. I won't officially know how bad until tomorrow, but I'm already bumped down to 3rd place and I don't have anyone playing tonight... though 4th place is pretty far back so I don't think I have to worry about anyone else passing me up this week. Both my starting quarterbacks were terrible. My receivers were actually pretty good, as was my tight end (I did end up going with Julius Thomas, trusting the "probable" status as of the early kickoff). But neither of my running backs met their projections, my kicker had a really slow game, and my defense - team and individual players - did fairly well but just not enough to make up for the low numbers in other areas. My final score was 141.06, my lowest all year. With a few starter switches, I could have had 158, which still would have been my lowest all year. And if I hadn't taken my other kicker off my roster, I could have had 165... which STILL would have been my lowest score all year. So, yeah, this clearly wasn't going to be a good week for me. And on top of that, the Bears lost an extremely winnable game because Cutler got injured AT THE END OF THE FIRST HALF and the coaches didn't put in his backup until the final drive of the game. Nope, not a good week... Thursday Morning - Remember how last week I was nervous about the three-hour difference between my backup and starting tight ends? And how I was like, well, at least it's only three hours, it could be worse? Yeah... this week it's worse -- Thursday night vs Sunday night. But Julius Thomas doesn't look nearly as iffy this week as he did last week, so hopefully it won't be an issue. I'm pretty frustrated with my quarterbacks right now. The NFL fantasy guys are still putting Eli above Joe Flacco, but at this point I think I have more faith in Flacco. I don't know what happened to Cam last week, but I'm going to go ahead and start Cam Newton and Joe Flacco. I'm solid at the running back position, like I mentioned last week. My guys are projected at #5, 6, 7, & 9 on the NFL rankings. With that in mind, there's always a chance that one of my benched players is going to have a breakout game, but I'm going with Reggie Bush and Knowshon Moreno this week. In the wide receiver position, I picked up Riley Cooper in free agency this week. He's been hot the last couple weeks, and while it might not continue, he seems worth a shot considering neither Steve Smith nor Denarius Moore have had double-digit games in weeks. Calvin Johnson and Pierre Garcon are my other two starters, as usual. Tight end, Julius Thomas, unless he doesn't play... in which case hopefully I know about it early enough to pick up someone to replace him. Kicker, David Akers. For my defensive players, NaVorro Bowman and Nick Roach. As for my team defense/special teams, neither San Francisco nor Baltimore looks all that promising... I may change my mind before Sunday, but right now I'm leaning 49ers if only to avoid the conflict of interests that comes with the Ravens playing the Bears this week. (On the other hand, getting fantasy points out of the Ravens could be a silver lining if we end up losing the real game.)
Tuesday Morning - Bears win! Plus, after a rather mediocre Sunday, both my running backs had great games Monday night, and I'm still at #1 in the league (with Pat creeping up close behind me). Unfortunately, Kyle Rudolph got hurt this week and is going to be out for several weeks, and Julius Thomas is still questionable coming back from an ankle injury. So, I need a new backup tight end. Wednesday Morning - Roster changes for this week: I dropped Kyle Rudolph and picked up Coby Fleener. This one I actually used my waiver option for, figuring I definitely didn't want to be without a decent backup for Julius Thomas. I also swapped my kickers so I have David Akers again after his bye week. Forbath has had some good weeks, but Akers just seems to be a little more consistent. Thursday Morning - The NFL analysts (on average, of course) and the Yahoo! projected numbers for this week are in agreement as to who I should start and who I should bench, so I'm going with their suggestions; I have no real reason not to. Some of the calls are close, and I might end up getting more points from the guys on the bench, but I don't have anything to base that on one way or the other. Also, it's weird sitting guys in one position who are better than my starters in another, which makes me wish this league had a flex position. My main issue is that I have four running backs ranked in the top 10 this week (and most weeks) by the NFL guys. Looking at the points so far this season, my "worst" running back is 13th overall, and that's because he missed a couple games and had a slower start, being a rookie. My wide receivers, on the other hand... after Calvin Johnson, my next best guy is ranked #12 this week, and is #15 by total points for the season. ALL of my running backs are (comparatively) better than my 2nd best receiver... let alone my 3rd and 4th. I guess maybe that's an imbalance I might want to correct... But anyway, here are my starters this week: QB - Cam Newton, Eli Manning RB - Reggie Bush, Eddie Lacy WR - Calvin Johnson, Pierre Garcon, Steve Smith TE - Julius Thomas* K - David Akers D/ST - 49ers D - NaVorro Bowman, Nick Roach *Julius Thomas is currently listed as questionable. If it doesn't look like he's going to play, I have Coby Fleener to put in. But, Fleener plays at noon on Sunday and Thomas not until later... if he's going to be a true game-time decision, I'm going to have to go with Fleener just to be safe... which is probably going to suck for me if Thomas ends up playing. But, a few hours difference in kickoff is a lot more promising than, say, Fleener playing Thursday night and Thomas playing Monday night.
I know I've been doing pretty crappy lately on posting anything that's not about fantasy football (and even those posts are becoming more and more lackluster as the weeks go on, aren't they?), and there's a reason for that... Writer's block! I always used to think of writer's block as just not knowing what to write about, or maybe not knowing how to start. That was usually my main problem. Lately though... I have specific things I want to write about, and I just... can't. Which makes it a terrible subject to try to WRITE a rant about, I know. Times like these it would be helpful if I were a gif person, so I could just write a hundred words and fill the rest of my post with crazy moving images. But, since those things give me a headache, you just get a half-hearted rant because the thing I want to rant about makes it impossible for me to do the rant justice... Or something like that. (Prompt courtesy of Ginger's Bring Back the Words.)
Tuesday Morning - Long, busy weekend, and not the greatest of fantasy weeks, but at the end of it I somehow managed to end up in first place! This week I need a replacement for my kicker on bye and a second active defensive player, and I really don't know who to drop to make room for them. I might just drop my kicker to pick up a new one... and if he gets snatched up in the meantime, stick with the new one for the season. I'll have to see who's available though, if it would be worth the risk. I don't really want to do that with my defensive guy who's out on bye because he's pretty consistent, and I don't necessarily want to drop Lance Briggs for the same reason... he's out for several weeks, but it'd be nice to see him back to form once he gets back, if I have room to keep him through this bit of bye week shuffling. A few of my receivers have been rather sub-par lately... I might drop one of them (though I only have one to spare this week with Calvin Johnson being on bye.) Frickin' bye weeks... Wednesday Afternoon - Free agency is open for the week, and I picked up the players I needed to fill out my roster -- Kai Forbath as kicker (he's the guy I had as a backup early on before dropping him back in Week 3) and Nick Roach as defensive player (a former Bear who's now with Oakland... he's good, and has a decent matchup this week and a great one in Week 11 when my new defensive guy goes on his bye... assuming I don't just keep Roach as my second starter and relegate last week's acquisition to back up). With these couple pick-ups, my starters for the week are now set. I have no backups. Anyone not starting is either on bye or out with injury. If anything bad happens to make one of my actives inactive between now and Sunday, I'll have to scramble, or just eat the point loss. QB - Cam Newton, Joe Flacco RB - Matt Forte, Eddie Lacy WR - Pierre Garcon, Steve Smith, Denarius Moore TE - Kyle Rudolph K - Kai Forbath D/ST - Ravens D - Alec Ogletree, Nick Roach
Monday Morning - Two of my three defensive players are now out. I'm not sure if Bobby Wagner's is an extended injury, but Lance Briggs will be out for weeks. I think it's time to sign some new players. Luckily, defensive players are plentiful. I also need to be thinking about another kicker; my guy's bye is coming up, not this week but next week. Tuesday Morning - Surprisingly, I ended up with the highest score again this week. Surprising because my score wasn't ridiculously high -- I guess no one had a really good week -- but at least this time I did about as well as I could have done, unlike last week. I was right to put Moreno in over Bush, although Eddie Lacy outscored both of them (though only by a few points). Also, all of my quarterbacks fell short of their projections this week, and I would have gotten an extra point and a half if I'd played Flacco instead of Eli. I still need to make some roster changes, but I'll wait till tomorrow for free agency rather than using up my good waiver position... there may come a time when I really need it, and I don't think that's this week. Thursday Afternoon - I don't really have time to give a rundown of my decisions this week, other than to say it's the usual combination of analysts' predictions, byes/injuries, projected points according to Yahoo, and strengths/weaknesses of matchups. QB - Cam Newton, Eli Manning RB - Knowshon Moreno, Eddie Lacy (first time starting the rookie, let's see if it pays off) WR - Calvin Johnson, Pierre Garcon, Marques Colston TE - Julius Thomas K - David Akers D/ST - 49ers D - NaVorro Bowman, Alec Ogletree (another rookie, just picked him up, let's see how he does) We're headed to Chicago this weekend (actual Chicago, not 20 miles west of Chicago) so I don't know how actively I'll be keeping up on my team. No, we didn't plan this mini-vacation to coincide with the Bears' bye week, but I'm definitely not complaining that it turned out that way.
