We heard the heartbeat for the first time today. I'm not entirely sure what I was supposed to feel. I wasn't really overwhelmed with an "OMG that's my baby in there!" kind of reaction. There was relief, obviously, that I haven't been living a lie the past several weeks; it was nice to have confirmation beyond a urine test. (Yeah, the nausea was a pretty big clue too, but you never know. Hormones don't necessarily equal healthy baby.)
Other than that, well... I was actually more freaked out than anything else. There's something growing in me!
I can tell you right now that I'm not going to be a "typical" first-time mother, at least as far as the pregnancy goes. And who knows, maybe "typical" isn't so typical, and there are more pregnant women out there like me, we just don't let on to the rest of the world that we're not overwhelmed with joy at every little milestone. I'm actually pretty worried about what it's going to feel like once the baby gets bigger and starts moving. I'm afraid I'm going to be freaked out (or worse, grossed out) by it.
Or who knows, maybe I'll surprise myself and get more attached to our little Snickerdoodle as time goes on.
It's been interesting to go back and read some of my rambling writings from last year. A lot of it centers around being miserable, and not feeling the way I'm "supposed to." I can at least say that I was never grossed out. It was actually quite comforting to feel him moving around in there, even if it did get uncomfortable toward the end (when I felt like I was stretched so tight that my belly might just burst open Alien-style).
Anyway. I'm quite glad that part of it is over. I enjoy the little man much more now that he's on the outside.