Some Reflections on Last Night

So, I went out last night for the second time this week. Third time in eight days. This is VERY unusual for me; I'm not exactly a social butterfly. After we got home and I was lying in bed, several thoughts were swirling through my mind, and -- crazily -- I actually remember most of them this morning. So, in list form:

~ It wouldn't be nearly this strange to me to be going out so much if we were back in the suburbs. Because I have friends there. So, it's sort of a strange realization that I have friends here too. They aren't just "people Pat works with" or "Pat's friends." And the real surprise isn't even that I went out three times in eight days, it's that I actually had a good time on each occasion. Typically we go out, and I feel so socially awkward the whole time and it's so emotionally draining that I won't venture out of the apartment again for days. To not have that happening is something I'm not quite used to.

~ On the other hand, it's weird to have these friends who I'm not really close enough with to hug. Not that I'd be actually uncomfortable getting a hug from most of them, but it's just awkward not knowing where that line is or where you stand with the other person. Back home, we all hug when we say goodbye, because we've all known each other forever and are pretty much like an extended family. But here, I never know what to do when we're leaving. A handshake just feels too formal, but a hug feels too intimate, so I usually just hang back by the door and give an awkward wave. Guys have it easy. A handshake, and if they're good enough friends, they pull it in for that slap on the back thing that guys do that passes for a "macho hug," I guess. And even with other girls, either we're close enough to hug, or we both just do a little wave, or nod, or something else that doesn't involve contact. I don't think I've ever had a situation when saying goodbye to a girl that involved a handshake. So I guess it's just the guy/girl thing that I don't quite know what to do with. And yes, I know I'm overthinking this.

~ As much as I may feel self-conscious about it, I don't have to justify myself for looking nice! It doesn't have to be a special occasion. Just because I'm not wearing a skirt doesn't mean I can't wear makeup and jewelry. I recently decided that I'd like to start making more of an effort to look nice, but since I hardly ever wear makeup, and I don't think I've worn jewelry not to a wedding in at least five years, it feels very strange to be doing so. But last night I think I got a total of two comments on my appearance. One of which was regarding my hair (which would have looked the same regardless, he just hadn't seen me since I'd gotten it cut short), and one from a girl who noticed the earrings and mentioned that she'd never seen me wearing earrings and didn't even realize I had my ears pierced . . . and that was it. A comment, and moving on. The only person dwelling on it all night is me. Again, overthinking.

~ I may need to stop drinking. I'm feeling slightly hangoverish, despite the fact that I had hardly any alcohol last night. This happened to me several years ago; I'd have one, maybe two drinks, over the course of several hours, and then feel sick the next morning. So I went through a phase where I brought soda to every BYOB party I went to and just didn't drink. At all. For about a year. And it didn't have any detrimental effect on my social life, and I never woke up feeling hungover without the benefit of having been tipsy the night before. Of course my stomach has been acting wonky, on and off, for the last few days, so this may be completely unrelated. But, in trying to kick-start my diet again, I really shouldn't be drinking anyway.

~ And finally . . . it is very difficult to explain what a Stargate is to someone who's never seen any Stargate and is also drunk. I should have just left it at, "it takes you to other planets," but I made the mistake of saying the word "wormhole" which was apparently far too confusing, given the fact that wormholes are real (if theoretical) and Stargates are not.