How is it possible, when you have no solid responsibilities, to feel like you're behind in everything? Actually I think I just answered my own question. Key word: solid. No solid responsibilities. I don't have a job. I don't have a reason to get out of bed and start my day at any given time. I have things I want to accomplish personally (mainly reading and exercising) and things that I need to do to make a contribution to our home (mainly cleaning of various sorts), but again, nothing solid. Nothing with a deadline.
What happens is, I get up, waste time on the computer, get breakfast. Well, then I need something to entertain me while I'm eating. When it comes to entertainment, I'd much rather read than watch TV, but it's hard to read and eat at the same time, so instead I pull up Netflix. A sitcom is about 20 minutes long without commercials, but then I'll usually watch another episode. Or two. Or three. I don't intend to spend all morning in front of the TV, it just happens. And then I think, okay, time to get busy . . . but I just keep getting sidetracked by one thing after another. I try to clean up the living room, but the first thing I pick up reminds me of something else I wanted to do. Or I'll bring it to the room it belongs in, and then see something there that requires my attention. Oh, and should probably start thinking about lunch. I still haven't worked out good lunch ideas for myself, let me check the MFP forums for ideas. An hour and a half later, I still haven't eaten. And, oh right, the kitchen, I was supposed to do dishes. Well, let me just get lunch first. And of course I'll turn the TV back on. Only one episode this time, I swear. Now, there was just something on my mind that I was going to do, why can't I remember what it was? Maybe if I retrace my steps, I'll think of it again. Back at the computer . . .
*keys in the lock* Oh . . . it's 4:00 already?
I'm exaggerating. But only slightly. It's more the laziness than the scatterbrained issue (though there are definitely elements of both).
Leaving aside the long-distance relationship for the moment, the time in my life when I was happiest was when I was in college. I LOVED college. Loved it so much that it breaks my heart a little at the beginning of each semester when people I know are getting ready to begin their classes (and, usually, not too happy about it). Though I would certainly do my share of complaining if I were in their place, I'm sure, I would still be far happier and more satisfied if I were. For many reasons, but what I miss most right now is the structure.
So, I've decided to make myself a schedule. I've only got my mornings mapped out right now, but I really think it will help. Here's what I've got so far:
Alarm goes off at 7:30 - allowing half an hour for waking up and morning internet routine
8:00 - breakfast + ONE episode on Netflix
8:30 - short morning workout
9:00 - shower (unless I'm going to the Y later, in which case I'd skip it and shower after that)
9:30 - clean (do dishes, clean counters, minor tidying . . . I'll probably make a day-by-day list of what rooms/tasks to focus on)
10:30 - snack + free time (probably internet)
11:00 - main workout OR if it's not a workout day, read
That's all I've got so far. I figure I'll try it for a couple days and see how it goes. There are just so many things that I do that are time sinks and I don't realize it. For example, this blog entry, I think I've been working on for about half an hour now. (Sad, isn't it? This is no great masterwork, after all.) Or getting sucked into "just one more episode" on Netflix. Or reading "just one more forum thread" on MFP. But really, any time I write anything, whether it's a blog post, or a book review on GR, or a forum post on MFP . . . because I put far more thought into my words than I probably should.
With that in mind, I'm not going to come up with a good way to end this, but rather just hit "publish" and go to bed.