This isn't a body image thing. I'm actually pretty satisfied with my body shape right now (which is probably why I can't seem to get back on the horse with the whole weight loss thing). Sure I have a few more curves than I'd like to, and those curves are a little bigger than I'd like them to be, but I no longer feel like the massive blob of flesh that I used to. I'm roughly 50 lbs less than I was at my highest weight. I'm about 15 lbs up from my lowest that I hit last year. At the very least, I want to get back down to where I was (since I know that I can) and ideally another 10+ beyond that (at which point I'll be looking beyond the scale to judge what my "ideal" healthy weight is).
Long story short, no I'm not where I should or could be. But that's not what this is about.
No, this is about my recent efforts into making myself look "nice." I'll never be one of those women who can't leave the house without makeup, but when I'm going out socially, I'd like to make more of an effort. I talked about this a bit last month. And while I started out strong, I seem to have settled into a new comfort zone.
It used to be hit or miss if I put on makeup; now I always do. I'm still getting the hang of eye shadow (yes I know most women have this figured out by 29, what can I say, I'm a late bloomer), but I no longer feel like a hooker if I'm wearing more than a little concealer under my eyes.
I used to never wear earrings; now I almost always do. But I mostly wear the same tiny little hoops every time. Anything more than that, anything that hangs more than a quarter of an inch below my ear lobe, feels like too much. And necklaces? Forget it.
Part of the problem is that my wardrobe is VERY simple. I've always heard that you can accessorize up, but I feel ridiculous when I try. So I thought, maybe it's because of my jeans that this jewelry feels out of place. All my tops are pretty basic, they work just as well with jeans as they do with slacks or a skirt. But since I'm not wearing slacks or a skirt, it's like . . . I look fine from the waist up, or from the neck down, but put it all together and it doesn't work.
Does it really not work? Or is it still just not the way I'm used to seeing myself?
So, trying to figure out what to wear for Pat's birthday dinner last night, I started pulling out a couple skirts. Most of the skirts I own are definitely on the dressier side, but I have a couple that are more casual. Denim, corduroy (yes, corduroy). And, since they've been buried in my closet for YEARS, I can actually fit into them again.
And, yes, the overall look works a little better (at least in my head), but then I feel too dressy. Too dressy for a birthday dinner at Buffalo Wild Wings, anyway. But again . . . I know lots of women wear skirts on a regular basis, not necessarily just when getting "dressed up." So why can't I?
(I try to pull off something like this . . .
. . . and I feel like I look like this . . .
. . . just to give you a quick insight into how my brain works.)